I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
