I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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