my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
