is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
