dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
