I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
