why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
