We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
