We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize