Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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