I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
