So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it's like iHOP with fire
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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