addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
