I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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