Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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