Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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