So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
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after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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