y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Less talking, more tequila
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
