when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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