I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
