Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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