Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
