there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
