she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
