so explain again why im purple
no
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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