You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
