I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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