I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
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Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My breasts were aching with rage.
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What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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