You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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