we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
