after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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