Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
