Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
