I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
