I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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