I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.