Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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