I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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