Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.

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  (336): If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule. http://tfl.nu/wdvp
  Replies (27) Good night (3554) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick

  (972): View more from Texas

  please tell me you have proof of this

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  (405): the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick (972): please tell me you have proof of this http://tfl.nu/kwvu
  Replies (9) Good night (752) Bad night (4179)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...

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  (612): I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person... http://tfl.nu/4pvh
  Replies (25) Good night (4610) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind

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  (201): i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind http://tfl.nu/v27a
  Replies (7) Good night (3271) Bad night (1496)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.

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  (773): When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change. http://tfl.nu/eo5m
  Replies (67) Good night (657) Bad night (5849)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.

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  (414): He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk. http://tfl.nu/wrdx
  Replies (12) Good night (4009) Bad night (1004)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window

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  (415): apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window http://tfl.nu/1uz3
  Replies (9) Good night (3862) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table

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  (386): Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table http://tfl.nu/ca9t
  Replies (24) Good night (1252) Bad night (4300)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral

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  (410): it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral http://tfl.nu/q6za
  Replies (2) Good night (754) Bad night (2360)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.

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  (803): Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical. http://tfl.nu/xb5u
  Replies (19) Good night (4404) Bad night (1366)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate

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  (206): This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate http://tfl.nu/vfhs
  Replies (6) Good night (2363) Bad night (1598)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...

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  (443): told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet... http://tfl.nu/9yno
  Replies (6) Good night (2875) Bad night (1151)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?

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  (410): She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted? http://tfl.nu/werq
  Replies (7) Good night (624) Bad night (2686)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.

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  (443): There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity. http://tfl.nu/z2pz
  Replies (12) Good night (350) Bad night (1596)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.

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  (860): I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store. http://tfl.nu/502t
  Replies (10) Good night (375) Bad night (696)

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