need another drink. this is the easiest way
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.