What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
