I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.