Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(707): View more from California

im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.

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(707): im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt. http://tfl.nu/7lkv

Replies (25) Good night (1003) Bad night (491)
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(917): View more from New York City

last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks

(917): View more from New York City

this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed

(917): View more from New York City

he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?

(718): View more from New York

messed up. what color are the wings?

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(917): last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks (917): this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed (917): he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF? (718): messed up. what color are the wings? http://tfl.nu/7ui0

Replies (11) Good night (2287) Bad night (644)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0

Replies (1639) Good night (171255) Bad night (43252)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.

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(815): I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them. http://tfl.nu/dcim

Replies (4) Good night (3541) Bad night (937)
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(407): View more from Florida

I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.

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(407): I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity. http://tfl.nu/5ec6

Replies (23) Good night (4863) Bad night (1048)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.

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(609): I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from. http://tfl.nu/yx57

Replies (11) Good night (2790) Bad night (875)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

Same.

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(203): His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews (1-203): Same. http://tfl.nu/citv

Replies (10) Good night (2224) Bad night (852)
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(347): View more from New York

Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me

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(347): Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me http://tfl.nu/axou

Replies (9) Good night (889) Bad night (1764)
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(209): View more from California

Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?

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(209): Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that? http://tfl.nu/3r87

Replies (9) Good night (2985) Bad night (555)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.

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(304): All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time. http://tfl.nu/z2dh

Replies (0) Good night (817) Bad night (419)
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(631): View more from New York

After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.

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(631): After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly. http://tfl.nu/xlkc

Replies (4) Good night (292) Bad night (584)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!

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(513): I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry! http://tfl.nu/10qk

Replies (2) Good night (581) Bad night (275)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.

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(763): I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus. http://tfl.nu/3187

Replies (0) Good night (314) Bad night (413)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day

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(304): I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day http://tfl.nu/acew

Replies (4) Good night (433) Bad night (644)
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(619): View more from California

I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.

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(619): I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you. http://tfl.nu/28jb

Replies (0) Good night (294) Bad night (712)

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