Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
