Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
