Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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