I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
