is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
