Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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