I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
