i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You almost got us killed.
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