I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
