You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You have to summon your inner elephant
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
