If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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