drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
