Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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