I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
