Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
