Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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