I love black thongs
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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