he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
