i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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