my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
