i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
