You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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