I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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