Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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