i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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