Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
