he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
