he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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