lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
