she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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