in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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