i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
