I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
