forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
