I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
