I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
