Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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