I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
