Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.

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(613): View more from Ontario

my text book just quoted the cookie monster

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye

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(914): View more from New York

Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score

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(301): View more from Maryland

Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!

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(571): View more from Virginia

i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it

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