I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
