as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
