so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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