apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love having hate sex.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Send help, water and tortillas.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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