About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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