Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
