I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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