Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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