eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
