yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
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