He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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